Hiding Behind the Mask

Does anyone ever get tired of wearing a mask all the time? I do. I have heard for years that we should quit hiding behind our mask and be ourselves. I never realized how hard that was until now. Personally, my struggle is to keep putting the mask back on after I just took it off.
From looking at the outside of my mask, people think that I always have my life together and that I am a bubbly extravert. Sorry, but I don’t always have it together as you would think. Some days I feel hurt, afraid, angry, useless, and like a failure underneath the mask that others see. I am a normal human being with emotions and feelings. I am not perfect, but I am still loved by God.
I am currently following God on a path of healing. I have realized that through my process of healing, I will have some emotional days where I will be overwhelmed by feelings and memories. Through this process, God has sent many people, friends, and teachers into my life that have helped me along the way that I had been praying for.
However, I have always had troubles trusting people due to my past. Because of my trust issues, I have always struggled with wanting complete control of everything and to be completely independent. I did not want to ever ask for help. I always believed that If I asked for help, people would leave me, get mad at me, say no or judge me as they have before. I believed that you could only ask for help once from the same person because you can’t give anything in return, and they would look down on you and leave you. I believed that they were not interested in having a friendship or relationship with me because I did not have any money and was such a burden to them.
I have realized that you can’t always be that way and that God should be the one in control and not me. Also, I have realized that throughout this past semester, I have tried my best to throw my mask back on and hide underneath it. I realize that in the process, I have shut many people out because of fear. I even shut out some of the people who cared and wanted to help me. I have realized that my deeper struggle was giving up control to God and letting people help me. We are not meant to go through life and trials alone. We do need God and other believers in our life that support us. Sometimes we need help and support.
God knows everything that is underneath our mask. We can hide from the world and throw on a mask, but with God we cannot. I am comforted by knowing that God knows everything underneath our mask, even when we have lost our voice to speak and try to hide it. He knows our every thought and struggle. I am glad that God is patient with us and reveals our deepest hurts and struggles for us to work on through him. Once we fully give up control of the things underneath the mask and give them to God, we can live free and loved in Christ. I encourage you to give up control of the things under your mask and give them to God. Being in control of them yourself is miserable, lonely, and exhausting.

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